Today I saw everything that I ever wanted in my relationship: a man, dressed in the coat that I bought him for Christmas, stopping by the store to grab dinner and wine for the woman that he loves. The man has a level head, looks confident and seems optimistic about his future. Too eager to get to his lover’s house after a long day of work, he keeps conversations with acquaintances brief and zips down the dark road, passionately anxious about who is awaiting him.

Unfortunately, I am not the woman that is awaiting him and he is no longer my man.

Both my mom and my year as a Brownie Scout taught me to leave things better than you found them. I guess that morale carried on to the men in my life as well. I’ve always been a very patient person, as well as an excessively giving person. The combination of these two characteristics is a lethal recipe for disappointment when greeted by others who don’t possess the same character traits. I’m not sure if it is just the way of the universe; however, I am always in tandem with people who need fixing.  

I guess I am somewhat of a wounded bird collector; collecting birds and nurturing them until they realize that they are strong enough to fly on their own. As noble as it seems to be a wounded bird collector, the birds never stay with the bird collector. They rarely come back to say thank you and future birds will never know of the caring soul that sacrificed the time to build the strong bird that they now see before them. 

When it comes to humans, it can grow tiresome investing time, money, love, solution and resolve into someone and watching someone else cash in on your investment. After experiencing this feeling more than twice, you start to wonder if all people are like this and if you were just cursed with the non-evolutionary mutation of caring too much. As I see this recurring theme in my past and present relationships, I wonder if I should hold back, something that doesn’t feel natural at all. I ache for the day that I can give to my heart’s content to my partner without having to worry about giving too much or that my love will be forsaken.

Until then, I’ve opted to give more to myself so that I will know how I want to be loved. I’ve been patient with myself when it comes to discovering my purpose in life and I’ve given myself forgiveness for my mistakes and time to figure out the rest.  

Have you come into contact with a wounded bird collector? Are you one yourself?

 

Tags:

  • Show Comments

  • Vinson Houston

    " I’ve always been a very patient person, as well as an excessively giving person. The combination of these two characteristics is a lethal recipe for disappointment when greeted by others who don’t possess the same character traits."

    I relate, I am a gentleman, a believer in the Lord Jesus. By the time you get finished reading this you will not be interested in my relationships, but looking at the light that I see in you from my perspective. I hear you.

    Imagine being 30 some years old, humbly at peace with himself, privately giving into his own lust, but single and chaste trying to prepare himself for the a woman, knowing she would see who he is for who he is and not want to leave him alone if that is what he asked, because he is lowly and trust in the Lord, and does not care about much else (that is a problem I admit, of not caring). He spent a summer with a visiting foreigner but never was in a relationship. People disrespect me and say it is just fear, they say that is why I was alone, completely undermining my commitment to God and respect to woman by keeping my issues to myself and knowing not to put them in someone else’s life to be resolved. Then, this " I’ve always been a very patient person, as well as an excessively giving person. The combination of these two characteristics is a lethal recipe for disappointment when greeted by others who don’t possess the same character traits." happened to me. Granted in this case I am the dude and this was a very open-hearted woman, so what can I say ( my private desire of lust won over before I could show her how I knew to love for life as I learned from my parents. What I learned and had to admit is that my own faults desires, undermined mined me and knowing that she was responsible for her own actions as well. Me knowing I just needed the support of respect from others to be better prepared. I had a hard time trusting people even my family who even tried to speak for me when I asked then not too because I already knew that is the kind of thing they would do from the past of being too nice, so whose fault is that, not theirs as a man its mine. Why did I feel this way toward damn near everyone, because of exactly what ended up happening to me. So in short I am saying I checked myself, and see that all the wisdom and righteousness that I believe in, I must be the first beneficiary before I can share that with others. That goes for discipline as well as I am committed now more than ever to be chaste until marriage. I know that does not work for everyone but it will for me. That is how upset I became with myself for falling short of sharing love, God’s Love, then being asked/pressed to make a commitment to a relationship. That is not the way it works and I knew that at heart in the very moment and it made me sad to think that she had come to this accepted understanding of herself. I was inwardly so angry with myself and she had no idea or acted as if she had no idea of what others felt or just did not care! I feel for her now she needs help as we all do, but, will we admit that or will we continue to defend ourselves against what we must admit we don’t know. She deserves great respect for herself from with in her own self, respect ourselves and others with feel the respect that emanates from us.

    Every woman should know how powerful her words are and the energy that comes from her respect alone is immeasurable and unable to be recreated by man. – Vinson Houston

    As I believe you have the light of love in your heart, I say to you, you can know what you Even if there was not a father figure in your life we still have God the Father and if our Father is Love is love itself, then we are in a good family to find love. You see? Your words "I’ve opted to give more to myself so that I will know how I want to be loved." You can know how you want to be loved that is fine and good, Yet the gentleman who appropriately responds to your respect for yourself first and then onward to him, will share affection and he will lead you to ways of being loved that you did not know existed and that is when love is most amazingly truthful for both of you. You see? So lets me and you be prepared, and continue giving of our best, bearing the fruits of the spiritual life Galations 5: 22-23, and then we can be ready to receive another into our life, not out of fear (because we have given our fear to God to take care of) and continue in the power of God’s Love in our hearts. The service of love is pure and knows no end.

    I am sure you can see how deeply appreciative I am to respond to your blog. There are things I wish I could share with people but just get continuously shut down, ignored, called negative, conniving disrespect, just to have those same people come back and as for my help. ….and it just makes all of us look stupid. So here is my advice, none of this can hurt you of what I said but some of it can help you, please take the part that can help you and lay down the parts that can hurt you because that part that can be made to hurt, hurts the ones we love most as well. This is the example of Jesus love I want to be to you, because you have blessed me. I hear your heart calling out and the song of your spirit is wonderful and harmonious. God our Father, the Father of Love hears that voice, so sing, love bird sing!

    you are appreciated,
    Vinson Houston
    vinsonh7@gmail.com

    Every woman should know how powerful her words are and the energy that comes from her respect alone is immeasurable and unable to be recreated by man.

  • Kasia

    I love this article. My last relationship (my first real one), I thought was with "the one". Of course as it turns out with many of our first relationships, it wasn’t. I poured so much of myself into building up the person I assumed would be my life partner with nothing to show but a broken heart. Now I’m fearful of doing that again and it has made me realize I need to wait for that man I don’t have to "build up". A man who is building HIMSELF up so I can grow alongside with him, as two functional adults who are individuals but share a connection.
    Ps. You are incredibly beautiful and I can tell your energy is as well

  • Nadine Hailey

    WOW, can I relate to this article. The amazing thing is that I am not a young person but a 50+ lady who has just entered back into the single life and it has been very interesting. I would think at this age you would have learned this but as a wife and mother for many years, putting my self last was a job requirement. Great Article.

  • Chala L

    Great Read! I can definitely resonate with every words expressed in this article. It touched me and made me feel good to not be alone. I love the metaphor used, "Wound Bird Collector". I hate to say I am often misused or taking advantage of – I’d like to consider myself a blessing. God always gives you exactly what you need, even if it’s me. I kind of feel slightly "cocky" now because I definitely can and have upgraded a good handful of people. Just call me the "UPGRADER". Thank you for sharing this amazing body of work.

  • Gina

    I am definitely a collector. Absolutely. WE give and invest and then have to heal and regroup. WE never truly give up because we will remain authentic to ourselves and how we relate to this world. Thanks for this post. I swear it feels like these words were coming from my heart and lips as well. WE are strong and our place in this universe will prove beneficial in a way that is reciprocated to us via love and desire, just as we give to others selflessly.

  • Mikaela M.

    I am the wounded bird collector. It’s as if the words i have always been looking for have finally been written. It’s so refreshing to hear that i’m not the only one who has this experience. This year has been the year that I’m finally taking time for myself and my own growth.

Comments are closed.

Ads