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It’s quite sad how taboo civil breakups seem to be in our society. Or even the fact that it can be seen as nearly impossible for one to even have the ability to be civil and okay post-breakup.

So knowing that the initial reaction of most people was to search for the tea when they heard Ariana Grande mentioned the names of several exes in her newest song, thank u, next wasn’t too surprising, unfortunately.

I remember when an ex and I broke up after almost four years together. Sure we went through ups and down toward its end (for months and months and months) but by the time we officially called it off and went through our individual grieving, we were okay!

Feelings weren’t rushing back, we weren’t spiteful… We actually hung out one last time when he came to town about a year later. It felt like catching up with a cool friend.

So imagine my surprise when his friends sent me plenty of side eye emojis when I congratulated him and his fiance on their engagement via Facebook.

They were really out here questioning my intent! I was cool with him, his fiance, his family still… So who’s right is it tell you how you feel?

Spoiler: It’s no one’s right but your own.

The Ashes Ariana Came From

I’m going to be honest, I haven’t followed or heard much (if any) Ariana Grande news or music until this 2017, and unfortunately it’s been a rough minute for the God is a Woman singer:

  • She’s gone/is going through PTSD after a suicide bomber attacked during her tour concert, killing 22 concert-goers and injuring over 100 others.
  • She and Mac Miller broke up, and she was attacked for leaving him while he was struggling with addiction. (She clapped back in the classiest way, but that type of response for removing herself from a toxic situation is saddening!)
  • She moves on to Pete Davidson, and in a whirlwind romance gets engaged to him a months after breaking it off with Mac Miller.
  • Within the few months they were engaged/together, it was announced that Mac Miller died of an apparent overdose, shattering Ariana.
  • Let’s not forget when she publically groped for a long, uncomfortable minute by the bishop at Aretha Franklin’s funeral.
  • Then the engagement between Ariana and Pete was called off and they break up.

Ariana’s Phoenix Moment

Ari’s been through a lot. So after going through such a rollercoaster one would think there would be some backhanded bitterness in her next form of self-expression, right? I know would expect anyone to hold onto some form of anger, sadness, or bitterness But instead, she came to a peaceful place with many of the exes in her life, and belted it out beautifully in thank u, next.

There’s no shade, no dragging, no drama, no spite or backhanded compliments… just love and thanks to her exes for all that they unknowingly did to help her grow as a person.

One taught me love

One taught me patience

And one taught me pain

Now, I’m so amazing

I’ve loved and I’ve lost

But that’s not what I see

So, look what I’ve got

Look what you’ve taught me

And for that, I say

Thank you, next

How We Can Rise From Our Own Ashes Like Ariana Grande

It’s one thing to listen to Ari’s upbeat and uplifting thank u, nextbut how can we implement such grace in our own lives?

Recently, while going through my own rough mental moment, I stumbled on some advice that said to take responsibility for how others make you feel based on what they’ve done. That way, you have power over it rather than you being victim to it.

So if a friend flaked on you after they said they’d support you for your first poetry reading, I know I’d wallow in it and wonder why they’d do that to me. Am I not important enough? What’s wrong with them? I could go on and on overthinking and wondering but instead of placing the blame on them and shoving myself in a self-loathing place, I empower myself by putting the power in MY hands because I’m in charge of how I feel and react to situations in my life.

Instead of saying, “What’s wrong with them?” I can say, “What’s wrong with me?” I take the power of what they did or said out of their hands and placed it into my own. Now it’s up to me to choose what I’m going to do with it. It’s no longer on them, it’s on me.

A Disclaimer, And Some Grace

By no means am I saying we should always be in positions to think to tell ourselves “suck it up!” when tragedy strikes. This is just a perspective we can be aware of and implement when we feel ready to do so.

Always, always, always remember to be gentle with yourself. Especially when we’re going through it. We so easily are our own worst critic, and I think we can all agree that it’s time to dig into our personal development toolbox and start giving ourselves a bit of kindness when things get rough.

And I think Ari’s thank u, next is a great stepping stone to start this conversation and positive action that’ll leave us all better in the end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thought I’d end up with Sean
But he wasn’t a match

Wrote some songs about Ricky
Now I listen and laugh

Even almost got married
And for Pete, I’m so thankful

Wish I could say, “Thank you” to Malcolm
‘Cause he was an angel

[Pre-Chorus]
One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain

Now, I’m so amazing
I’ve loved and I’ve lost
But that’s not what I see

So, look what I got
Look what you taught me
And for that, I say

Thank you, next

 

 

 

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