The Quirky, Black Girl's Guide To Getting Over The F*ckboy
He thinks you are cute and likes the fact you are different. You don't listen to stereotypes and give him a chance. Then what does he do? He f*cks up your world. Sound familiar?
I don't know about you, but a lot of my creative friends have this same problem. It's as if the quirky, Black girl has suddenly evolved into a magnet for the modern day f*ckboy. Something about our creative energy attracts a lot of users and emotional abusers.
It's crazy because a lot of us women know the signs; however, there is always that one or two or few (don't worry, I'm not judging) that falls through the cracks. There is always a guy that comes along that reminds us why we usually go for the good guy anyways.
For the quirky, Black girls that have gotten their worlds' rocked by this type of guy, I have broken down the psychology of getting over the f*ckboy.
Why He Was Probably Attracted To You
1. He knew that you were out of his league
Some guys are always out for the chase. Just know that you were worth the chase and them some.
2. He thought he was ready for the "settling down type"
You were probably the girl of his mother's dreams so he clung to you because you were different from the average girl that he usually hangs around. Unfortunately, he didn't level himself up to your amount of awesomeness.
3. You probably pushed him towards achieving dreams he didn't know he had
Your creative energy is contagious, so contagious that you can even make the laziest guy consider becoming an entrepreneur. The f*ckboy was probably feeding off of your creative energy and got so used to you pushing him to be his best that he wanted to hold onto you as long as possible while still staying true to his f*ckboy ways.
Why You Need To Get Over Him
Pretty much, he was kind of using you. He loved your creative ideas and your positive influence, but what was he really providing to the relationship? As a creative, if you are spending too much energy in a negative place, you are not spending enough positive energy in perfecting your craft. Don't let this guy distract you from actualizing your purpose.
How To Get Over Him
1. Realize that you never truly thought you would marry this guy
In all seriousness, you actually knew that he wasn't the one no matter how much you thought he would change. He might have tried to trick you by acting like he wanted to be with you for the long haul, but think back to that gut feeling. Think back to that time when he did something so off that you knew it would be hard to let him meet your parents. You knew all along.
2. Don't let him feel empowered just because you two were intimate
Only a f*ckboy would try to hold mutual intimacy against you. In the moment, I'm sure that you enjoyed it, so how can he try to make you ashamed? Trust me, he has nothing over you so go ahead and let him look immature as he argues otherwise.
3. Take an asexual period
Channel all of the frustration and emotion that you have towards this guy into fuel for creating your best self. Your passion projects and self-esteem will thank you.
4. Name 3 ways that he was adding value to your life
Don't worry, I'll wait... Most likely, you were the main provider of value for this relationship and you were so emotionally involved that you didn't realize you were driving on a one way street. I heard a quote that you are the sum of the five people that you spend the most time around. Do you really want to be part f*ckboy? I didn't think so. Take this as a lesson and be thankful that the f*ckboy showed you who he really was.
Now you can close that chapter of your life.
If all else fails, watch an old movie like Grease. You'll realize that women have been dealing with f*ckboys for generations and have turned out just fine.